激情快播

Sejal Barden, associate professor of counselor education and executive director of 激情快播鈥檚聽Marriage and Family Research Institute, considers healthy relationships as important in one鈥檚聽life as water, food and shelter.

鈥淲e have found if you have toxic relationships, that is predictive of negative health outcomes聽from heart disease to stroke to early onset Alzheimer鈥檚,鈥� Barden says. 鈥淪o healthy relationships聽are not just related to our mental health, but they鈥檙e really related to our physical health, too. At聽our core as humans, we need to feel understood and have a sense of belonging to people.鈥�

While some aspects of our physical health may be out of our control due to genetics, Barden聽says the good news is that we are all capable of learning techniques to foster better, healthier聽relationships in our lives. This may be more important than ever after the stress and isolation聽that the COVID-19 pandemic inflicted on all of us.

Barden applies her expertise to share some warning signs and useful tips to help strengthen the聽relationships in your life.

Set yourself up for success.

If you want to maintain聽healthy relationships,聽Barden says that starts by聽establishing boundaries.聽鈥淲e teach people how to聽treat us,鈥� she says. 鈥淪o聽much of relationships is聽patterns, so if we start聽by talking eight hours a聽day or spending every聽waking moment together,聽at some point that is not聽going to be a sustainable聽pattern, and that can lead聽to a lot of hurt feelings and聽misunderstanding.鈥�

Don鈥檛 wait to take action.

鈥淪tatistically we find that聽couples wait way too long聽to seek help, and early聽intervention is so important聽for couples,鈥� Barden says.聽鈥淛ust because you start out聽healthy doesn鈥檛 mean you are聽always going to stay healthy.聽Everyone is at risk for having聽upsides and downsides in聽a relationship. We expect聽that, and having some tools聽can help foster relationship聽resilience.鈥�

Conflict is healthy, but watch out for criticism.

Barden says conflict聽is inevitable in any聽relationship, but how we聽argue with our loved ones聽is key. 鈥淚t鈥檚 really important聽to not come out of the gate聽blaming and attacking the聽other person, but instead聽saying, 鈥楳y feelings were聽hurt when this happened; can聽we talk about this?鈥� Research聽has shown for decades that聽the way in which couples聽handle conflict, specifically聽the harshness or softness聽in how they approach those聽conversations, ultimately is聽a deciding factor if they stay聽together or get divorced.鈥�

Vocalize appreciation and gratitude daily.

鈥淎ppreciation and聽gratitude are fundamental聽and foundational to all聽relationships 鈥� siblings,聽parents, spouses, kids,鈥澛燘arden says. 鈥淎nd it鈥檚 not聽just saying, 鈥業 appreciate you聽for being awesome.鈥� Instead聽try something focused like,聽鈥業 really appreciate when聽you made my coffee this聽morning because you could聽see I was really tired.鈥� Even聽in the chaos of our busy聽lives, there鈥檚 always time聽to communicate simple聽appreciations.鈥�

Timeouts are ok.

Barden says when the聽intensity of a conversation聽gets to be too much, it may聽be time to take a step away.聽鈥淧hysiologically our bodies聽stop being able to process聽information at that point,鈥澛爏he says. 鈥淭imeouts are so聽important, but it doesn鈥檛聽mean just getting up without聽saying anything and walking聽away from your partner.聽Instead, say, 鈥業 feel myself聽getting really emotional聽right now, so I need to take聽10 minutes, and I鈥檒l come聽back to you.鈥� 鈥�

Truly listen to your loved one’s feedback.

鈥淟istening is probably the聽hardest thing to teach and聽do, and it couldn鈥檛 be more聽important in a relationship,鈥澛燘arden says. 鈥淢ost of these聽things that we have conflict聽about are not solvable. We聽all just want to feel heard聽and understood. So when we聽can validate our partner鈥檚聽feedback, even when it鈥檚 not聽positive, by saying, 鈥業 can see聽your perspective,鈥� it shows聽them that you鈥檙e listening.鈥�

激情快播鈥檚 Marriage and Family Research Institute

The impact of Associate聽Professor Sejal Barden鈥檚聽research and work is聽far-reaching, both within聽and beyond the 激情快播聽community. This year,聽聽earned a national award from聽the American Counseling聽Association 鈥渇or making a聽significant contribution in the聽counseling field in support聽of families and family聽members.鈥�

To date, Barden has聽secured more than聽$20 million as lead or聽co-investigator on research聽to improve outcomes for聽couples facing their darkest聽times, including a five-year,聽$7.5 million grant from the聽federal Office of Family聽Assistance to compare the聽benefits of in-person and聽online interventions for聽low-income couples.

MFRI was established in聽2003 on the main campus聽and is open to anyone over聽the age of 18 in the Orlando聽community. Run by trained聽professionals, the institute鈥檚聽services are supported by聽the U.S. Department of聽Health and Human Services,聽so its resources are offered聽free to the public.

鈥淐ouples who have been聽through our program say,聽鈥楾his saved our marriage.聽This has been the most聽meaningful thing we鈥檝e done聽in the last decade,鈥� 鈥� Barden聽says. 鈥淲ord of mouth is our聽No. 1 referral source, and I聽think that聽speaks聽volumes聽about聽the work聽we do.鈥�